http://www.ofear.com/ Wed, 22 Feb 2012 22:50:28 +0000 MyBB http://www.ofear.com/t-what-s-going-on Tue, 21 Feb 2012 12:18:06 +0000 http://www.ofear.com/t-what-s-going-on My problem now is with my gf! I have been with my gf 11 months now and the whole way through my depression! She's great!
I have now begun to be very scared and nervous about whether I love my gf!! This is terrible! She is away at uni all week and only home at weekends! I found this thought worrying me and started looking at pictures of her but this makes it even worse! I'm very happy with her but I don't feel content when she's away from me!
I found that I was attracted to other girls which made me even more worried!
I want to be with my gf and feel content and happy!
Can't anyone help! Whats going on??? Sorry for long message! Reply ASAP thanks!]]> My problem now is with my gf! I have been with my gf 11 months now and the whole way through my depression! She's great!
I have now begun to be very scared and nervous about whether I love my gf!! This is terrible! She is away at uni all week and only home at weekends! I found this thought worrying me and started looking at pictures of her but this makes it even worse! I'm very happy with her but I don't feel content when she's away from me!
I found that I was attracted to other girls which made me even more worried!
I want to be with my gf and feel content and happy!
Can't anyone help! Whats going on??? Sorry for long message! Reply ASAP thanks!]]> http://www.ofear.com/t-fear-of-swallowing-pills Sun, 19 Feb 2012 14:20:13 +0000 http://www.ofear.com/t-fear-of-swallowing-pills
I have a phobia, I'm afraid to swallow pills and such, although I have no problem crushing and tasting the bitterness or having injections, which is absurd to me, because swallowing pills should be a lot easier to get healthy.
I'm afraid of choking, that the pill won't go the right way, and every time I try to take a pill, I get all this negative thoughts of what might happen and I get so scared. Lately I caught a cold, bronchitis and I have to get antibiotics and expectorants twice a day, but I simply freeze at the thought of taking the pills. This is I think the second time time that this is happening, it happened before, last autumn. When my bronchitis evolved into pneumonia. Then I had to take one pill a day, time released, though not so big as these now. So I forced myself to swallow it, even though it took me more than half an hour to get the courage.

How can I get over this? Now I don't even seem to gather the courage to pick up the pills, it feels so hard, my throat tightens and I feel like crying, something that I usually end up doing.

I want to get over it, it really intervenes in my life in a bad way, not allowing me to get healthy. I'm almost 22 and when I think about it, it makes me feel so useless and cry more. Please help.]]>
I have a phobia, I'm afraid to swallow pills and such, although I have no problem crushing and tasting the bitterness or having injections, which is absurd to me, because swallowing pills should be a lot easier to get healthy.
I'm afraid of choking, that the pill won't go the right way, and every time I try to take a pill, I get all this negative thoughts of what might happen and I get so scared. Lately I caught a cold, bronchitis and I have to get antibiotics and expectorants twice a day, but I simply freeze at the thought of taking the pills. This is I think the second time time that this is happening, it happened before, last autumn. When my bronchitis evolved into pneumonia. Then I had to take one pill a day, time released, though not so big as these now. So I forced myself to swallow it, even though it took me more than half an hour to get the courage.

How can I get over this? Now I don't even seem to gather the courage to pick up the pills, it feels so hard, my throat tightens and I feel like crying, something that I usually end up doing.

I want to get over it, it really intervenes in my life in a bad way, not allowing me to get healthy. I'm almost 22 and when I think about it, it makes me feel so useless and cry more. Please help.]]> http://www.ofear.com/t-hello--5023 Sun, 19 Feb 2012 14:08:51 +0000 http://www.ofear.com/t-hello--5023
I'm Idehi, I have a phobia-that's why I'm here. I'm searching ways to overcome it and discuss it with people that understand what I'm going through.

So Hi and nice to meet you all!]]>
I'm Idehi, I have a phobia-that's why I'm here. I'm searching ways to overcome it and discuss it with people that understand what I'm going through.

So Hi and nice to meet you all!]]> http://www.ofear.com/t-fear-of-mice-moving-into-ground-floor-home Sun, 12 Feb 2012 21:43:51 +0000 http://www.ofear.com/t-fear-of-mice-moving-into-ground-floor-home http://www.ofear.com/t-treatment-for-phobia-of-sick-people Sun, 05 Feb 2012 23:09:55 +0000 http://www.ofear.com/t-treatment-for-phobia-of-sick-people
Im wondering what treatment options might be a good idea for me to try?Something from home would be preferable.

thanks all]]>
Im wondering what treatment options might be a good idea for me to try?Something from home would be preferable.

thanks all]]> http://www.ofear.com/t-fear-of-buttons--5019 Sun, 05 Feb 2012 21:28:10 +0000 http://www.ofear.com/t-fear-of-buttons--5019
after struggling for years with my fear of buttons...just writing it makes me go yuck I'm trying my best to hide it from most people cause the people who know it always take the piss out of me. I only told my husband a few months before our wedding of my fear and his first reaction was "Haha you nutter". Charming...thanks a lot.
Finding clothes can be a challenge, finding the right duvet set close to impossible, receiving baby clothes with buttons a nightmare...I could go on like this.
When my mum puts a polo shirt on my son, I cant have him on my lap or anywhere near me.
I'm already dreading the day when my children go to school and they gonna wear clothes with b******.

It annoys me that if somebody says they are scared of heights, spiders, snakes etc nobody questiones it but when somebody comes around with a phobia like buttons they must be nuts, a bit over sensitive and its all in their imagination.


Anybody with the same phobia knows where I can get bedding with zips or poppers and how to cope with school uniforms. Any advice would be amazing!!!]]>
after struggling for years with my fear of buttons...just writing it makes me go yuck I'm trying my best to hide it from most people cause the people who know it always take the piss out of me. I only told my husband a few months before our wedding of my fear and his first reaction was "Haha you nutter". Charming...thanks a lot.
Finding clothes can be a challenge, finding the right duvet set close to impossible, receiving baby clothes with buttons a nightmare...I could go on like this.
When my mum puts a polo shirt on my son, I cant have him on my lap or anywhere near me.
I'm already dreading the day when my children go to school and they gonna wear clothes with b******.

It annoys me that if somebody says they are scared of heights, spiders, snakes etc nobody questiones it but when somebody comes around with a phobia like buttons they must be nuts, a bit over sensitive and its all in their imagination.


Anybody with the same phobia knows where I can get bedding with zips or poppers and how to cope with school uniforms. Any advice would be amazing!!!]]> http://www.ofear.com/t-what-s-going-on-scared-pls-help Sun, 05 Feb 2012 16:29:05 +0000 http://www.ofear.com/t-what-s-going-on-scared-pls-help Recently however I have begun to panic that I can't remember her or picture her when shes away from me! She's up at uni and only home at the weekends! When's she with me it's ok cos I can see her!
The thing is if I forgot or couldn't picture a family member or friend I wouldnt worry however it's a real stress when I can't picture or Remember my gf! I then question my love for her etc!
The mess have also given me terrible dreams like violent dreams and dreams that I might cheat on my gf! I'm scared of this! What do you think the problem is? Pls anyone reply with any advice or answers ASAP! Thanks]]> Recently however I have begun to panic that I can't remember her or picture her when shes away from me! She's up at uni and only home at the weekends! When's she with me it's ok cos I can see her!
The thing is if I forgot or couldn't picture a family member or friend I wouldnt worry however it's a real stress when I can't picture or Remember my gf! I then question my love for her etc!
The mess have also given me terrible dreams like violent dreams and dreams that I might cheat on my gf! I'm scared of this! What do you think the problem is? Pls anyone reply with any advice or answers ASAP! Thanks]]> http://www.ofear.com/t-fear-of-buttons--5017 Sat, 04 Feb 2012 02:49:18 +0000 http://www.ofear.com/t-fear-of-buttons--5017 To wear something like that would make me extremly uncomfortable. I am chuckling as I write this because I know how ridiculous and irrational this sounds but honestly I cant help it! Are there any more button haters out there?]]> To wear something like that would make me extremly uncomfortable. I am chuckling as I write this because I know how ridiculous and irrational this sounds but honestly I cant help it! Are there any more button haters out there?]]> http://www.ofear.com/t-hi-all--5016 Thu, 02 Feb 2012 22:58:01 +0000 http://www.ofear.com/t-hi-all--5016
Anyway, I've suffered from quite severe M.E./CFS for about 15 years (I lost exact count after 10 years) not being able to go out very much or do a lot at home, I'm not bed bound, but my activity is severely limited.

About 6 years ago during an unusual period of feeling reasonable for a few months I found a girlfriend who happened to have a lot of colds, probably 10 in the 6 months we were together. It was after splitting up with her that I found I had a phobia of anyone with a cold, if someone comes to the house with a cold I get hot and sweaty, my mind races and panics and I feel like shooing them out the door and disinfecting the door handles. Im not actually that bothered when I have a cold, but i find the thought of possibly catching one and the fact maybe I can do something to not get one is greatly affecting my life.

Im not phobic of other germs, just colds, flu and similar illnesses. Im not even sure what this phobia would be called?

Thanks for reading this far, nick]]>
Anyway, I've suffered from quite severe M.E./CFS for about 15 years (I lost exact count after 10 years) not being able to go out very much or do a lot at home, I'm not bed bound, but my activity is severely limited.

About 6 years ago during an unusual period of feeling reasonable for a few months I found a girlfriend who happened to have a lot of colds, probably 10 in the 6 months we were together. It was after splitting up with her that I found I had a phobia of anyone with a cold, if someone comes to the house with a cold I get hot and sweaty, my mind races and panics and I feel like shooing them out the door and disinfecting the door handles. Im not actually that bothered when I have a cold, but i find the thought of possibly catching one and the fact maybe I can do something to not get one is greatly affecting my life.

Im not phobic of other germs, just colds, flu and similar illnesses. Im not even sure what this phobia would be called?

Thanks for reading this far, nick]]> http://www.ofear.com/t-make-up-nail-varnish-phobia Sat, 28 Jan 2012 12:24:56 +0000 http://www.ofear.com/t-make-up-nail-varnish-phobia
I've decided I have a slight phobia of make-up and nail polish on women. Especially nail polish. Black stuff looks dirty to me, looks like little streaks of dirt, makes me want to wipe it off! Red stuff looks tacky and icky. I slightly recoil when I see it on a woman's fingernails. As for make-up, I vary. Anything overly gooey (like lipgloss) repels me . . . make-up on overly tanned faces I can't stand.

I thought this was simply being a fussy male, but I had a little skirmish with my current partner about her purple nails recently, I really couldn't stand to look at her hands. I felt bad since I respect my partner's decision to do whatever she likes with her body, but I knew I wouldn't be able to endure her varnish for long.

I think this problem stems from not liking anything self-placed on the body. Tattoos, pen smudges. I don't know where it comes from, and it isn't a life-threatening phobia, but women are slavish users of beauty products now . . . even in their professional lives, women can wear heavy make-up. I don't want to recoil from all women! As I rule, I like them!

Just wanted to share. Thanks.]]>
I've decided I have a slight phobia of make-up and nail polish on women. Especially nail polish. Black stuff looks dirty to me, looks like little streaks of dirt, makes me want to wipe it off! Red stuff looks tacky and icky. I slightly recoil when I see it on a woman's fingernails. As for make-up, I vary. Anything overly gooey (like lipgloss) repels me . . . make-up on overly tanned faces I can't stand.

I thought this was simply being a fussy male, but I had a little skirmish with my current partner about her purple nails recently, I really couldn't stand to look at her hands. I felt bad since I respect my partner's decision to do whatever she likes with her body, but I knew I wouldn't be able to endure her varnish for long.

I think this problem stems from not liking anything self-placed on the body. Tattoos, pen smudges. I don't know where it comes from, and it isn't a life-threatening phobia, but women are slavish users of beauty products now . . . even in their professional lives, women can wear heavy make-up. I don't want to recoil from all women! As I rule, I like them!

Just wanted to share. Thanks.]]> http://www.ofear.com/t-help-me-conquer-hocd Fri, 20 Jan 2012 18:35:11 +0000 http://www.ofear.com/t-help-me-conquer-hocd
It has been a long and hard battle.

My sexuality has pretty much been solid from 13-17. No doubts. I conquered my first episode of HOCD from 13-14 easily, as my mental strength and rationalisation (or childlike innocence) helped me through it.

However in 2011, for about 5months, up until right now, I've been battling HOCD. It has been tearing me apart and destroying my soul and being. It has eroded my living style and spiraling me into depression and a sense of suicide and self-mutilation. I cannot afford therapy, psychiatrists or a psychologist. I need to battle this on my own. And I'm looking for all the help I can get.

Backstory:
I had a girlfriend for almost 2 years. Loved her immensely. Had great sex. Enjoyed every second of it. Had a girlfriend before her as well with a lot of intimacy and sexual endeavors which where also all amazing. I am not gay. I love women. I love being around them. Both physically and emotionally. That is what I feel in my heart, soul, and mind. Just intrusive thoughts are destroying me.

Basically my friend in University had a conversation with me about sexuality. He said sexuality is interchangeable. He posed strong points and I thought he couldn't have been too mistaken. The same night I went to bed my subconscious picked it up and I dreamt he tried to kiss me (But I pulled away, and he did not complete the kiss)

from that point on my mind exploded and I couldn't bare the thought of kissing my extremely good friend. It became awkward around him. And the question beckoned whether I was gay or not constantly. Testing myself at every stop.

Looking at every guy. Asking myself constantly. Creating a HOCD so rampant my mind wouldnt know what would hit it. I am at the stage of where I find myself attractive when I look in the mirror. Where I find cartoon drawings arousing, although I know they arent. Where I look at men and I know im not gay nor have ever been gay but question my sexuality and I stare at their muscles and tell myself how apparently attractive it is although I know it is not in my mind. I am not attracted to men sexually or physically.
This has also spurred from me hating gay people intensely from a young age. I just couldn't stand them. I found them annoying and I wanted to punch them and I useto write in class when the teacher asked me what I wanted to become i'd say, a successful rich millionaire who is NOT gay.
So now i just want to accept gays for who they are. I dont want to hate them. Cause I feel this pain now.
And I want to stop having messed up sexual cognitive thoughts. It's all so disgusting. Thinking of men sexually in my mind i find repulsive and digusting.. it takes me to the point where i feel like throwing up and there becomes a pit in my stomach.
I just want someone to tell me im not gay. tell me im going to be fine. and tell me most of all how to conquer this. what steps to take. wwhat to do. i feel so trapped and alone. i will do it all. i will follow your word. i just want these thoughts to stop. i was normal. i want to go back to being normal. please help me. sorry for the long essay.]]>
It has been a long and hard battle.

My sexuality has pretty much been solid from 13-17. No doubts. I conquered my first episode of HOCD from 13-14 easily, as my mental strength and rationalisation (or childlike innocence) helped me through it.

However in 2011, for about 5months, up until right now, I've been battling HOCD. It has been tearing me apart and destroying my soul and being. It has eroded my living style and spiraling me into depression and a sense of suicide and self-mutilation. I cannot afford therapy, psychiatrists or a psychologist. I need to battle this on my own. And I'm looking for all the help I can get.

Backstory:
I had a girlfriend for almost 2 years. Loved her immensely. Had great sex. Enjoyed every second of it. Had a girlfriend before her as well with a lot of intimacy and sexual endeavors which where also all amazing. I am not gay. I love women. I love being around them. Both physically and emotionally. That is what I feel in my heart, soul, and mind. Just intrusive thoughts are destroying me.

Basically my friend in University had a conversation with me about sexuality. He said sexuality is interchangeable. He posed strong points and I thought he couldn't have been too mistaken. The same night I went to bed my subconscious picked it up and I dreamt he tried to kiss me (But I pulled away, and he did not complete the kiss)

from that point on my mind exploded and I couldn't bare the thought of kissing my extremely good friend. It became awkward around him. And the question beckoned whether I was gay or not constantly. Testing myself at every stop.

Looking at every guy. Asking myself constantly. Creating a HOCD so rampant my mind wouldnt know what would hit it. I am at the stage of where I find myself attractive when I look in the mirror. Where I find cartoon drawings arousing, although I know they arent. Where I look at men and I know im not gay nor have ever been gay but question my sexuality and I stare at their muscles and tell myself how apparently attractive it is although I know it is not in my mind. I am not attracted to men sexually or physically.
This has also spurred from me hating gay people intensely from a young age. I just couldn't stand them. I found them annoying and I wanted to punch them and I useto write in class when the teacher asked me what I wanted to become i'd say, a successful rich millionaire who is NOT gay.
So now i just want to accept gays for who they are. I dont want to hate them. Cause I feel this pain now.
And I want to stop having messed up sexual cognitive thoughts. It's all so disgusting. Thinking of men sexually in my mind i find repulsive and digusting.. it takes me to the point where i feel like throwing up and there becomes a pit in my stomach.
I just want someone to tell me im not gay. tell me im going to be fine. and tell me most of all how to conquer this. what steps to take. wwhat to do. i feel so trapped and alone. i will do it all. i will follow your word. i just want these thoughts to stop. i was normal. i want to go back to being normal. please help me. sorry for the long essay.]]> http://www.ofear.com/t-fear-of-going-crazy-lol Mon, 09 Jan 2012 22:10:55 +0000 http://www.ofear.com/t-fear-of-going-crazy-lol ) My rational brain knows that I'm fine but I keep worrying about it. It hasn't plagued me too bad, I still go to work, go out and do all my normal activities but I still have this feeling in the back of my head worrying that I'm going to lose it! Haha

This seems to be a rare phobia, I'm wondering if anyone else has had this and beaten it? I love to read so I'm hoping to find a good book to conquer this dumb fear. Any help would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks!!!! ]]> ) My rational brain knows that I'm fine but I keep worrying about it. It hasn't plagued me too bad, I still go to work, go out and do all my normal activities but I still have this feeling in the back of my head worrying that I'm going to lose it! Haha

This seems to be a rare phobia, I'm wondering if anyone else has had this and beaten it? I love to read so I'm hoping to find a good book to conquer this dumb fear. Any help would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks!!!! ]]> http://www.ofear.com/t-forced-to-start-flying-soon Mon, 09 Jan 2012 07:39:31 +0000 http://www.ofear.com/t-forced-to-start-flying-soon
I don't remember when my fear of flying first came into existence, but I've had it for as long as I can remember. Back in 1994, a US air 737 crashed just outside of Pittsburgh, close to where I live...killing everyone. I heard a lot of stories about the carnage of that incident, and like an idiot...I drove up to the wooded area where the plane crashed. I was probably only 17 at the time, but I never got the images of all the charred trees out of my mind. 9/11 didn't help either. I remember telling my ex-wife (wife at the time) "see....this is why I don't fly".

I've flown four times in my life. The first two times were when I was a child. One trip to Disney world, and one trip to Chicago. Both from Pittsburgh. I don't remember those trips very well. I know I was a little anxious, but that was before I developed this awesome panic attack disorder that I'm now plagued with. The only other childhood flight that I took, was a ride in a small Cessna with my dad and his friend, who was the owner of the plane (and pilot). Ironically, I didn't mind that at all....even though statistically that was probably the most dangerous flight I've ever been on. I guess I felt safe because I knew the pilot...I dunno.

Two years ago, I flew down to Florida to visit my parents at their winter home. I flew on a USA3000 Airbus A-320 from Pittsburgh to Ft. Myers. It was an early evening flight. As soon as the plane started to taxi, I started to have a panic attack. During takeoff, I was visibly in bad shape. I was shaking, had tears streaming down my face, and was sweating profusely. The woman sitting next to me took it upon herself to grab hold my hand and console me. The entire flight was moderately turbulent. Once we reached our cruising altitude, I ordered two consecutive "jack on the rocks". Being that I'd barely eaten all day due to nervousness, and consumed two 0.5mg Xanax tablets prior to takeoff, I became heavily intoxicated after consuming the two stiff drinks. This was somewhat helpful throughout the course of the "cruising" part of the flight, and my nerves calmed down a bit...however I was still at a level 5 (out of 10) terrified. Strangely, the effects of both the Xanax and the booze seemed to almost vanish upon our descent. This went hand-in-hand with the ear-popping, and I'm curious as to whether or not this is a common occurrence in flight. Regardless, it really sucked to return to a sober state right as we were landing. The horror of it all came rushing back into my mind, and each time the plane banked I feared I was seconds from death.

I spent that evening vomiting at my parent's condo, and couldn't enjoy my vacation at all with the knowledge that I'd have to repeat the process in order to get back home....so I didn't. I instead rented a car and drove back. 1,150 miles....straight through. I didn't regret it for a second. How pathetic is that? That was the last time I flew.

So here I am, faced with this new dilemma. If I don't fly, I don't get to see my girlfriend, don't get to stay in my awesome apartment in San Diego for almost a year that I'm paying for, and I don't get to hang out in Socal for a good part of the rest of winter while everyone here in PA is freezing. If I let this fear control me, then I'm blowing an awesome opportunity, and (although I think she'd understand), possibly the most meaningful relationship I've ever had.

I'm such a control freak that I've narrowed my travel down to one airline (US airways), one type of plane (Airbus A-320 series), and one connecting airport (Phoenix Sky Harbor). I've also narrowed my departure times down to the evening flights out of Pittsburgh (around 5pm), and departure flights out of San Diego in the evening as well. Here's my reasoning: The A320's have far less incidents than the Boeing 737's. No A320 hull losses have occurred within the United States. US Airways lost two 737's due to the rudder deflection problems (back when they were USair), and has since updated their fleet with mostly Airbuses. I'd imagine they wanna stay in business, so maintenance should be pretty tight with them. Right? I'm crazy, I know.

I'm also not gonna drink on my first flight (which will probably be next Saturday), and instead just dope myself up with Xanax. I've been taking a low dose for years, and it helps. I suffer from random panic attacks, and I take a daily 0.5 dose to help stave them off. Nobody knows about this except the people closest to me. I'm 6 feet tall and 185 pounds, and I'm by no means a "beta male". I have no qualms taking risks when I'm in control of the situation, but I'm such a control freak that I have difficulty riding shotgun in a car. That's how bad it is. I hide this awful disorder as much as possible, but flying is an amalgamation of all my horrors and fears wrapped up into one. This is a horrific disorder to deal with. Especially if you're a guy.

Somebody please put me at ease. Give me some advice. It would be great if an A-320 pilot could chime in and tell me that all my fears are unfounded, that I've picked the best route, and that I'll be fine. Hopefully the heavy Xanax dose I take will be enough to make the flights tolerable. What worries me though, is if there was ANY non-routine situation during flight. For example, a landing gear malfunction or an engine loss resulting in an emergency landing. I'd just freak out. I'd probably puke and wind up catatonic, if not pass out or have a heart attack. I'm telling you....my fear of flying is bad. The woman I was seated next to on the last flight I took was an RN, and she told me she could literally "smell" the fear on me from my perspiration.

I've been experimenting with watching takeoffs and landing videos on Youtube from my selected airline, airplane, and airports I'll be flying in and out of. I watch them in full-screen mode on my laptop. I spend a couple of hours each evening doing this. Without Xanax, my palms sweat, my heart races, and I've actually had a few mild panic attacks.....from an effin' video on the computer! With my normal max daily dose of Xanax (0.5mg), I can actually watch the videos with only moderate palm sweating, rapid heart rate, and no full-blown panic episode. That's why I've deduced that a dose of 1.0-1.5mg, one hour before boarding....should be enough to put me into enough of a state of indifference to get through the flight with minimal misery. I intend to contact my doctor this week and make him aware of my intention, as he actually suggested it to me a while back anyway.

Oh man, if there's anyone out there on this site....anyone at all who thinks they could help, PLEASE don't hesitate to offer advice! I really, really, really wanna get over this because my life would be a lot better. As I stated before, this fear is now standing between me and spending time with the woman I love and want to marry. It's standing between me and my home as well, and this year is really gonna suck if I can't nip it in the bud, or at least manage it. Ironically, I just drove from San Diego back to PA....solo....through the Mojave desert & two snowstorms. You'd think that would be enough to set my mind at ease about flying, but it wasn't.

My apologies for the long, drawn-out first post. I'm really glad I've found these forums, and I really hope I can find some peace through them. Again, I'd absolutely love to hear from an A320 pilot. I think that would really help a lot. I've learned an awful lot about those planes in recent months, and I hope I'm making the right decision. I hope I don't come off as sounding stupid or weak-minded, because I'm not. Except when it comes to riding shotgun in anything....and flying. Thanks to everyone who took the time to read this, and thank you in advance for any efforts to help me out.]]>
I don't remember when my fear of flying first came into existence, but I've had it for as long as I can remember. Back in 1994, a US air 737 crashed just outside of Pittsburgh, close to where I live...killing everyone. I heard a lot of stories about the carnage of that incident, and like an idiot...I drove up to the wooded area where the plane crashed. I was probably only 17 at the time, but I never got the images of all the charred trees out of my mind. 9/11 didn't help either. I remember telling my ex-wife (wife at the time) "see....this is why I don't fly".

I've flown four times in my life. The first two times were when I was a child. One trip to Disney world, and one trip to Chicago. Both from Pittsburgh. I don't remember those trips very well. I know I was a little anxious, but that was before I developed this awesome panic attack disorder that I'm now plagued with. The only other childhood flight that I took, was a ride in a small Cessna with my dad and his friend, who was the owner of the plane (and pilot). Ironically, I didn't mind that at all....even though statistically that was probably the most dangerous flight I've ever been on. I guess I felt safe because I knew the pilot...I dunno.

Two years ago, I flew down to Florida to visit my parents at their winter home. I flew on a USA3000 Airbus A-320 from Pittsburgh to Ft. Myers. It was an early evening flight. As soon as the plane started to taxi, I started to have a panic attack. During takeoff, I was visibly in bad shape. I was shaking, had tears streaming down my face, and was sweating profusely. The woman sitting next to me took it upon herself to grab hold my hand and console me. The entire flight was moderately turbulent. Once we reached our cruising altitude, I ordered two consecutive "jack on the rocks". Being that I'd barely eaten all day due to nervousness, and consumed two 0.5mg Xanax tablets prior to takeoff, I became heavily intoxicated after consuming the two stiff drinks. This was somewhat helpful throughout the course of the "cruising" part of the flight, and my nerves calmed down a bit...however I was still at a level 5 (out of 10) terrified. Strangely, the effects of both the Xanax and the booze seemed to almost vanish upon our descent. This went hand-in-hand with the ear-popping, and I'm curious as to whether or not this is a common occurrence in flight. Regardless, it really sucked to return to a sober state right as we were landing. The horror of it all came rushing back into my mind, and each time the plane banked I feared I was seconds from death.

I spent that evening vomiting at my parent's condo, and couldn't enjoy my vacation at all with the knowledge that I'd have to repeat the process in order to get back home....so I didn't. I instead rented a car and drove back. 1,150 miles....straight through. I didn't regret it for a second. How pathetic is that? That was the last time I flew.

So here I am, faced with this new dilemma. If I don't fly, I don't get to see my girlfriend, don't get to stay in my awesome apartment in San Diego for almost a year that I'm paying for, and I don't get to hang out in Socal for a good part of the rest of winter while everyone here in PA is freezing. If I let this fear control me, then I'm blowing an awesome opportunity, and (although I think she'd understand), possibly the most meaningful relationship I've ever had.

I'm such a control freak that I've narrowed my travel down to one airline (US airways), one type of plane (Airbus A-320 series), and one connecting airport (Phoenix Sky Harbor). I've also narrowed my departure times down to the evening flights out of Pittsburgh (around 5pm), and departure flights out of San Diego in the evening as well. Here's my reasoning: The A320's have far less incidents than the Boeing 737's. No A320 hull losses have occurred within the United States. US Airways lost two 737's due to the rudder deflection problems (back when they were USair), and has since updated their fleet with mostly Airbuses. I'd imagine they wanna stay in business, so maintenance should be pretty tight with them. Right? I'm crazy, I know.

I'm also not gonna drink on my first flight (which will probably be next Saturday), and instead just dope myself up with Xanax. I've been taking a low dose for years, and it helps. I suffer from random panic attacks, and I take a daily 0.5 dose to help stave them off. Nobody knows about this except the people closest to me. I'm 6 feet tall and 185 pounds, and I'm by no means a "beta male". I have no qualms taking risks when I'm in control of the situation, but I'm such a control freak that I have difficulty riding shotgun in a car. That's how bad it is. I hide this awful disorder as much as possible, but flying is an amalgamation of all my horrors and fears wrapped up into one. This is a horrific disorder to deal with. Especially if you're a guy.

Somebody please put me at ease. Give me some advice. It would be great if an A-320 pilot could chime in and tell me that all my fears are unfounded, that I've picked the best route, and that I'll be fine. Hopefully the heavy Xanax dose I take will be enough to make the flights tolerable. What worries me though, is if there was ANY non-routine situation during flight. For example, a landing gear malfunction or an engine loss resulting in an emergency landing. I'd just freak out. I'd probably puke and wind up catatonic, if not pass out or have a heart attack. I'm telling you....my fear of flying is bad. The woman I was seated next to on the last flight I took was an RN, and she told me she could literally "smell" the fear on me from my perspiration.

I've been experimenting with watching takeoffs and landing videos on Youtube from my selected airline, airplane, and airports I'll be flying in and out of. I watch them in full-screen mode on my laptop. I spend a couple of hours each evening doing this. Without Xanax, my palms sweat, my heart races, and I've actually had a few mild panic attacks.....from an effin' video on the computer! With my normal max daily dose of Xanax (0.5mg), I can actually watch the videos with only moderate palm sweating, rapid heart rate, and no full-blown panic episode. That's why I've deduced that a dose of 1.0-1.5mg, one hour before boarding....should be enough to put me into enough of a state of indifference to get through the flight with minimal misery. I intend to contact my doctor this week and make him aware of my intention, as he actually suggested it to me a while back anyway.

Oh man, if there's anyone out there on this site....anyone at all who thinks they could help, PLEASE don't hesitate to offer advice! I really, really, really wanna get over this because my life would be a lot better. As I stated before, this fear is now standing between me and spending time with the woman I love and want to marry. It's standing between me and my home as well, and this year is really gonna suck if I can't nip it in the bud, or at least manage it. Ironically, I just drove from San Diego back to PA....solo....through the Mojave desert & two snowstorms. You'd think that would be enough to set my mind at ease about flying, but it wasn't.

My apologies for the long, drawn-out first post. I'm really glad I've found these forums, and I really hope I can find some peace through them. Again, I'd absolutely love to hear from an A320 pilot. I think that would really help a lot. I've learned an awful lot about those planes in recent months, and I hope I'm making the right decision. I hope I don't come off as sounding stupid or weak-minded, because I'm not. Except when it comes to riding shotgun in anything....and flying. Thanks to everyone who took the time to read this, and thank you in advance for any efforts to help me out.]]> http://www.ofear.com/t-fear-of-my-own-organs Sun, 08 Jan 2012 06:17:09 +0000 http://www.ofear.com/t-fear-of-my-own-organs http://www.ofear.com/t-greetings--5010 Mon, 02 Jan 2012 23:47:05 +0000 http://www.ofear.com/t-greetings--5010
I just thought I'd introduce myself, I joined this forum because I was reading through some of the threads and it made me feel better knowing that other people are going through the same thing as me. And even though the things people fear can be different to my own fears, the feelings of anxiety that people are writing about is something I can definately relate to.

My phobia is a little bit hard to explain, I think it is a situational phobia, I am afraid of going away from home (either on holiday or for a uni trip) and not being able to sleep while I am away. It is not the being away from home part that scares me (although if I was a long distance away it would probably make me more anxious) just the part of not being able to sleep.

It started when I was 14 and I had to go away a lot to play volleyball and I put a lot of pressure on myself to perform well. I had a bad experience where I was so anxious that I hardly slept a wink for 4 nights in a row, now I think this will happen everytime I go away. I am now 22 and I avoid going away because I don't think I can cope. I want to go overseas because I love the adventure of travelling, but my fear is holding me back. I have tried to face my fear by going away 3-4 times in the last year, but even on a trip where I was only away for 4 nights I couldn't sleep properly (even with the help of medication) and was in a crazed panic by the end of it.

I'm not sure if anyone has a similar phobia to this, but it would be great just to have some people who are going through similar things to share my feelings with.]]>
I just thought I'd introduce myself, I joined this forum because I was reading through some of the threads and it made me feel better knowing that other people are going through the same thing as me. And even though the things people fear can be different to my own fears, the feelings of anxiety that people are writing about is something I can definately relate to.

My phobia is a little bit hard to explain, I think it is a situational phobia, I am afraid of going away from home (either on holiday or for a uni trip) and not being able to sleep while I am away. It is not the being away from home part that scares me (although if I was a long distance away it would probably make me more anxious) just the part of not being able to sleep.

It started when I was 14 and I had to go away a lot to play volleyball and I put a lot of pressure on myself to perform well. I had a bad experience where I was so anxious that I hardly slept a wink for 4 nights in a row, now I think this will happen everytime I go away. I am now 22 and I avoid going away because I don't think I can cope. I want to go overseas because I love the adventure of travelling, but my fear is holding me back. I have tried to face my fear by going away 3-4 times in the last year, but even on a trip where I was only away for 4 nights I couldn't sleep properly (even with the help of medication) and was in a crazed panic by the end of it.

I'm not sure if anyone has a similar phobia to this, but it would be great just to have some people who are going through similar things to share my feelings with.]]> http://www.ofear.com/t-happy-new-year--5009 Sat, 31 Dec 2011 16:56:18 +0000 http://www.ofear.com/t-happy-new-year--5009 Happy New Year oFear'ers!

In regards to everyone's anxiety/ phobia issues, I truly wish you well for 2012. ]]> Happy New Year oFear'ers!

In regards to everyone's anxiety/ phobia issues, I truly wish you well for 2012. ]]> http://www.ofear.com/t-slender-man Fri, 30 Dec 2011 01:04:09 +0000 http://www.ofear.com/t-slender-man http://www.ofear.com/t-my-fear-related-poem Fri, 23 Dec 2011 11:06:45 +0000 http://www.ofear.com/t-my-fear-related-poem
In a prison-like state of mind
Fear will always hide
Palms are sweaty
Eyes a'twitching
Breathing heavy
Pulling out my hair
This is my worst nightmare....

Feel free to post yours below]]>
In a prison-like state of mind
Fear will always hide
Palms are sweaty
Eyes a'twitching
Breathing heavy
Pulling out my hair
This is my worst nightmare....

Feel free to post yours below]]> http://www.ofear.com/t-fear-of-school-food Thu, 22 Dec 2011 11:11:53 +0000 http://www.ofear.com/t-fear-of-school-food ]]> ]]> http://www.ofear.com/t-teratophobia Mon, 19 Dec 2011 20:56:14 +0000 http://www.ofear.com/t-teratophobia
I mean in the sense of being freaked out by deformed people. Not monsters. I can handle monsters.]]>
I mean in the sense of being freaked out by deformed people. Not monsters. I can handle monsters.]]>